30 DAY Challenge

God I want to say I hate Monday’s but that is not completely accurate…because I hate the rest of the week about equal….

Oh well here we are again…another beginning of a week…and the ending of a weekend…my weekend was uneventful…this morning on my drive to work I thought to myself…”is this all there is…is this my life”…then I remembered that I have committed my self to a new journey in life…I just do not know where in the fuck I am headed yet…

I have to make so many changes in my life that I literally feel paralyzed…

The first thing I need to do is get a new job…but I am seriously stuck on this…I really do not know what the hell I want to do…

I am incredibly smart – just being honest—but I just do not know what I want to de with it…

I love bartending and I am damn good at it…seriously…I am fun and fast and I make people laugh; however, I do not think that really is a career…

I would be a great event planner…but what about health insurance and job security and financial stability

I HATE living paycheck to paycheck…I do not mind having two jobs…hard work has never scared me…but I do not enjoy not having anything at all to show for my heard work…

I think we should start by listing my strengths:

• Highly intelligent
• Organized
• Driven
• Funny
• Sarcastic
• Full of life
• Photographic memory
• Very educated
• Love to read
• I am crazy creative
• Incredibly social and outgoing

So now what…my list sounds more like it belongs on match.com than on a resume…

Hmm…maybe I should make a list of my weaknesses:

• I have a difficult time with filtering my thoughts
• Do not really care for authority – not so much authority in general but authority over me- especially when I am more intelligent than them
• I hate monotony- I like to keep busy and on the go
•  I think the corporate world is full of robots, drones, Hollie Hobbies and backstabbers

So back to square one I find myself!!!! It’s funny I do not want to win the lottery so I do not have to work any longer I want to win the lottery just so I can just pay some bills and experiment with different careers….find what I click at…I always had this feeling in me that I was going to do something big…I just have zero clue…and I guess everyone has that feeling which I guess makes me no different than everyone else! What the fuck….

Okay so in order to make this journey begin to head to somewhere I need a jump start so for the next 30 days I am going to focus my energy on a specific thing in my life!  I will decide at the end of the day if it is something that I need to change or embrace!!!!

Day One: For the first day on this journey I am going to focus on my impulsive anger…I get very flip and annoyed at people and think about how awesome it would be if I could just knock them out….so today I am going to try and think of 1 positive thing for everything that annoys me and than I will see how I feel at the end of the day…

I am going to have to back track a little because I just made this decision and it is already 1100 am so Lord knows something’s have already pissed me off:

• Total slept through my alarm and woke up about 45 minutes late…didn’t get my usual pissed off self…I still proceeded to make a cup of coffee and start my day off in slow motion—wasn’t late for work so it didn’t really matter
• A UPS truck this morning was driving like a piece of shit down the turnpike and causing people to react like assholes…my typical reaction is to drive up close and give the finger and some choice words…however I will walk away from the incident thinking that I am damn glad he didn’t cause an accident and make me late for work
• Looking at the Hollie Hobbies here is annoying as always- so instead of being annoyed I will make fun of them all day in my head…hahahah- this will make for a very interesting list tomorrow morning for you to read!!!!

Well I am off to do some of the work on my desk…because King Ass keeps walking through my office!!!!

Saturday Night....

Ahhh Finally home from what has seemed like an incredibly long and drawn out day...I waitress-ed last night and tonight and I really would love to be able to just smack some people right in their faces...I do not understand why it is illegal for me to knock somewhere square in their jaw but it is not illegal for someone to be a complete asshole...just my opinion of course... For those of you that dine out I would like to offer some pointers in order to help you be the best possible customer you can be 

• Do not treat your server as a slave - speak with respect to them
• If you mumble please expect your order to go in wrong
• If your husband/boyfriend is flirting with us check your man and keep your attitude in check when speaking to us
• Do not say you are ready to order if you are going to proceed to sit there and hum to yourself while you are deciding...we have other customers
• If you have to ask if refills are free - get take out and go home
• What answer are you expecting when you ask "Is the food any good" I mean think about that - do you really think we are going to respond "No it sucks ass...what can I get you"
• DO NOT EVER snap or whistle to get our attention 
• Do not call us hun, sweetheart or babe...for no other reason than the simple fact it is somewhat creepy
• Know that we are laughing at your jokes because you tip us...so save us all the time and effort and skip the jokes
• Read the menu 
• Dont ask stupid questions...we will make fun of you when we walk away

You will frequently see new tips on restaurant etiquette...as I think it is important for all to be aware....

Moving on...my journey already seems to be in neutral as I need a new full time job and have not started looking again...of course that could be because the last time I looked I accidentally sent my resume to the executive director and well that was fucking a ball of fun to explain...

Well it is late and my brain is fried...I will be back with some very sarcastic rants about my first class train wreck of a life...but for now...good night... 

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Friday's Jouney

Happy Friday!!  Another week is just about completed and it is time for the weekend!
This morning I went through my normal routine of hitting the snooze button repeatedly...I hate my alarm clock...I also hate people that say "oh I have no problem waking up...I never use the snooze button"...I feel the appropriate response to this is "fuck off"...
No morning would be complete without a trip to WaWa for some more coffee...this trip is slightly irritating as with all the corporate robots and Hollie Hobbies...its funny I keep hearing how "bath salts" will turn you into a zombie...I say full time corporate work does this...
In order to prepare myself for another glazed over day with the Holly Hobbies I decided to put on a country concert on my way to work...I was an amazing rock star while in my car...and I find this to be very relaxing and entertaining...it appears that during this mornings typical traffic jam I also entertained my fellow travelers...it was my pleasure...
There is a good amount of work on my desk...that I do not exactly feel like accomplishing for no other reason then I believe the more I work the more brain cells I loose...I will get to it...but I have a the theory that the longer I wait the more the pressure builds and the faster it will get done...the faster it gets done the less brain cells I fry in order to earn what the organization calls a paycheck!
So here we sit my friends...yesterday I was taking inventory of the train wreck of my life...I can not say that this process did anything to improve my outlook on life or my sarcastic bitter mood I have developed over the last few years…
Most days I enjoy my bitchy self…I am well area of the fact I may offend others with my pleasantries…but that is not really my problem…
My daughter told me last night that she dislikes people…and at first I began the motherly speech that went something like this:
“Oh sweetheart don’t say that…most people are kind and…”
Then I stopped…it dawned on me…actually it smacked me in the face how many lies parents tell their children on a daily basis…so I decided to be honest with her and said..
“Yeah I get that…people can be annoying…choose the ones you like, stick with them…and stay away from the others”…
Of course then I couldn’t turn my brain off…for the most part I am generally honest with my kids…I do not believe in sugar coating things…my kids know this about me…they know I am blunt as hell…and again have no filter…
So I began examining the lies I was told and the lies I watch others tell their children…

Lie that children are told	What we should be saying
There is a little good in everyone you just have to look for deeper in others	BULLSHIT- no everyone has good in them and if you have to search for it move on and stop associating with them
I am sure they meant well	CRAP- if whatever they were doing had good intentions behind it we would not be having this conversation
You can do anything you put your mind to	Ehh NO- this is why we have the pleasure of watching dumbasses audition for shows like American Idol – there is just some shit you are not good at…move on and do what you are good at and don’t torture you or us any longer
I support you no matter what decision you make	Crock of SHIT – I support you as long as you  make the decision that I told you was right one to make
They are just jealous of you	FALSE – they just do not like you...accept it and move on
I just feel so bad for their family	Horseshit – I am just so damn grateful it was their kid that got caught and not mine
There is no reason for such extravagant things	HAA- We are broke as shit
No good ever came from revenge	BULL – Don’t break the law and don’t let them find out it was you…it will be worth it
Anything that you can not do before midnight you should not be doing at all	NOT TRUE – I want to go to sleep and you coming in all hours of the night disturbs me…plus anything you are doing after midnight I did and I miss it

People lie…it is the cold hard truth…people lie to cover up their true feelings…parents lie to make not only their kids lives easier but their lives as well…people lie to get ahead…and some people just lie to lie…

The word filter for many is spelt L-I-E for me!!!

So part of my journey to no clue yet will be to continue not using my filter…to continue to be honest with others…and when I know it is inappropriate, such as when Fat Holly asked me this morning if her dress looked ok and I wanted to say “Actually you look like a cartoon hippopotamus squeezed into a t-shirt” , I politely smiled and said “wow it really matches your bracelet”  NO LIES…however….I used a self serving filter….I was far from worried about her feelings…I was only worried about lack of job security!!!!

Starting a journey is never easy when you have no clue what the destination is….

Ok so I have finally decided I have come to a point in my life where it is time to blog.  I can not tell you why…it was not a particular event that happened that has made me feel this way…I just feel it is time.
I always have thought my life was pretty normal and boring….and then I began working in the corporate world and wow was I wrong.  I work with like I like to call Holly Hobbies.  I am not sure if any of you remember these dolls or even care what they were, but they were the most generic boring dolls dressed in what should be classified as Amish Attire.  WAIT…don’t leave my blog already…I promise it is not going to be about these Holly Hobbies…I have to see them all day I certainly don’t want to talk about them also…do not get me wrong I will make fun of them here and there; however, this is not a Holly Hobbie Blog…or a work Blog…it is a blog about me…and the fact that I am quickly coming to the realization that my life is an utter train wreck.  Yeah I guess it is time to be honest with myself…my life is utterly fucked up…and readers…I think it is time we fix it!
Let me start by saying I hate people that whine and complain about how difficult their lives are and about how hard they work…this is probably one of the biggest reasons I keep my train wreck to myself…I am the only person that has had control over the wreckage of my life…I am the only one that let my life get this screwed…so why complain about it…I just need to fix it!! Having said that…I am not sure I am ready to let go of the wreckage which is probably another reason I have always kept my shit to myself.
Okay…if you are still reading and I really hope you are I should probably tell you a little bit about myself…and then the wreckage and…
Me:

• I am 35 years old yet I act 22
• I am divorced from a great guy – seriously he is a great guy…but he just was not fucked up enough for me
• I have 2 amazing children…one a teenager and one 8 year old – I am not sure how they became so amazing with me as a parent- it could possibly be because they feel like they are living in a bad lifetime movie and they are terrified to become anything like their bat shit crazy mother
• I have a Masters Degree in Information Technology that I busted my ass to get and I want absolutely nothing to do with it…I hate networking I hate IT work and I do not utilize my degree in anyway what so ever…at this point my degree is probably outdated and I don’t remember shit about it anyway
• I have 2 jobs – the full time job I am basically the bend over and take it bitch girl- I hate it…my 3 bosses…yep I said three- consist of – 1 fat holly hobbie, 1 trailer trash chick that wants everyone to think she let go of the ghetto in her, and 1 male that lives in the shadow of his “brilliant” wife…
• My part time job I waitress…and it brings me such pleasure to take shit from the three stooges all day and then go and deal with condescending pricks
• I hate the conservative life…I hate dressing like a broom is stuck in my ass
• I love tank tops and ripped jeans
• I am obsessed with telling my life story through art—on my body
• I am a sarcastic bitch that forgets to use the filter that others seem to rave about
• I believe the filter is an excuse to be fake
• I am attracted to trouble…you could line 100 guys up and have them wear a uniform in order to not give away their stereotype and I will choose the only one that is a biker, has tattoos, and definitely is on parole and to complete the package they will be down and out broke
• I have zero self esteem—however I have been told I am pretty cute…I am 5’2 and 105 pounds…and I look about 8 years younger then I am…on a good day

Okay so that is me in a nutshell…there are more parts to me but you will learn them over time if you continue to take this journey to no clue yet with me!